Surviving a Pandemic

“Mommy, don’t touch your face! Don’t forget, you’re not supposed to touch your face!”

We sat down with Noah on Sunday and had a talk about germs and the virus. We got the idea for how to explain it to him from a video. We talked about washing our hands and, obviously, not touching our faces. So, now he’s the germ police and I am not mad about it. I want to keep him safe.

I was never the mom who put my kid in a bubble. (There’s nothing wrong with that mom, by the way!) I am pretty laid back by nature so, I haven’t been super worried about germs. Kids get colds. Of course, I’m not having him lick anyone with the flu, but I’m not uptight about germs. So, in light of this virus, I’m finding that I am not quite myself.

As a matter of fact, I think a lot of us are feeling that. Even the most laid back of us are feeling the panic right now. What is happening in the world is unprecedented and we have not experienced it in our lifetime. So much is unknown and so much is outside of our control. And because of social media, we are on information overload right now.

I wanted to do a post to share some things that I’m trying to keep in mind in the midst of all of this, as well as some resources that might be helpful.

1) All of those unknowns in your mind that get your brain a bit spinny: they are unknowns for everyone! No one knows when this thing will end. No one. No one can tell you, currently, when it is safe to go out again. And that doesn’t feel good. It’s really hard to not know what life will look like over the coming weeks and months. It’s hard to not know how to plan for the future. Life looks really different right now and it’s a huge adjustment for all of us. And we don’t know when we get to figure out what normal looks like on the other side of this. So, we just all have to try to take it one day at a time. Deep breath, everyone.

2) We are all grieving. Every last one of us is grieving something. For some, you’re grieving that you can’t just go eat at your favorite restaurant right now. That grief is valid. For some, you’re grieving the loss of milestones and big life events like graduations, proms, weddings, etc. Some are grieving the loss of loved ones. Some are grieving the loss of structure and routine and “normal” life. Actually, all of us are likely grieving that last one. Be kind to yourself in your grief. If you can be kind to yourself, you are much more likely to be kind to others. You might feel angry, sad, frustrated, devastated, depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, or any number of other things. All of these are normal experiences of grief. Don’t beat yourself up about them. And most of you are doing that, because our default is to be hard on ourselves. Just find healthy ways to express them when you can. Have a good cry, do a workout video, angry dance in your room, punch some pillows, anything that helps you get that grief out without hurting someone else. This is how to show kindness to yourself in it.

3) This is a lot. Our whole lives changed in the matter of a week. That is not an exaggeration. And, I’ve got to be honest with you, we may be here for a while. The idea of slowing the spread of the virus is a really good one because it makes us less likely to overwhelm our healthcare system. However, it also draws this out over a longer period of time. It’s going to take some time to figure this whole thing out. Give yourself and your family buckets of grace. Kids’ screen time may go up for a while so you can take a breath and figure this out. Suddenly, everyone is homeschooling and most of us did not sign up for this! You might need a little more Netflix bingeing or reading as an escape. I am not encouraging you to check out of your life altogether, but give yourself some breaks.

4) You are anxious. Seriously. It feels like someone pumped the air full of anxiety and we’re all just breathing it in all the time. You may think you’re not anxious, but I assure you, you are. Some of you think it’s crazy that I thought I needed to point that out. But I know it’s true because I’m one of you “non-anxious” types. I don’t run around screaming that the sky is falling in a crisis. I handle it. But I carry it all in my body. It just holds and absorbs all the stress. I bet my laid back friends have more headaches and back pain right now. I bet you find yourself more irritable with your loved ones. Whether you’re aware of your anxiety or not, you can take good care of yourself by giving yourself breaks and moving your body. If you notice that the questions are starting to make you feel like your head will explode; if someone says any more words, of any kind, you’re going to lose your mind; if you notice that you’ve been sitting in the same spot for a while and you can’t quite remember what you were doing or thinking about, all of these are signs of anxiety. Pay attention to that. Don’t avoid it or immediately try to fix it. Ask yourself what you’re feeling scare of and name it all. As much as you can. Then move your body!

5) Single friends, come here. Close, close in. I’m worried about you. Especially if you live alone. We all feel isolated right now, even in our homes that are full. But for my friends out there who are single, I just want to move you all into my house right this minute. There’s a lot of time for you to get in your head about things. There’s limited social interaction and no physical touch. Check on your friends that live alone. Find ways to connect with people in safe ways.

6) Control the controllables and try to let go of the rest. You cannot control whether people choose to follow guidelines for social distancing. You can control whether you do. We’re all trying to figure this thing out. For some people, until someone they know gets sick, they will continue to be out. I’m sorry. There’s not a thing you can do. Sure, post videos about exponential growth and flattening the curve. But also know, you can’t control their choices, no matter how scary and concerning they are to you. You can, however, choose not to allow someone in your home or around your people if they have been choosing things that make you uncomfortable. Also, you cannot control whether people judge the choices you make. If you need to go for a run or a hike for your mental health, there will be people who struggle with that. It’s because they’re scared. And you can’t control that. And you don’t have to.

Anxiety is always future focused, we worry about what is to come, but the present moment is safe. That’s why mindfulness is helpful, it grounds you in the present. I did a whole post on trying to help you ground in the present. There are also apps out there like Calm (ios or android) or Headspace (ios or android) that can help with grounding.

We all need to move our bodies! There are so so many resources out there for this. And a lot of them are free! One of my favorite YouTube channels is Yoga with Adriene. I don’t know Adriene, but she knows her stuff when it comes to yoga. She’s got videos of all different types and lengths, so dig around until you find something that fits you and your schedule. There are all types of videos out there for a good work out. Find ways to get your heart rate up! Your kids need to move, too! My friend, Aaron Wood, who’s a PE coach at a local elementary school, started a YouTube channel for his students so they could have PE class at home. He’s fun and goofy and the perfect PE teacher. Your kids will love it!

Find creative things to do! Again, YouTube is a great resource for this! Here’s a video of science projects you can do with things that you may already have lying around your home. Ever thought about learning calligraphy? Lindsey Bugbee of “The Postman’s Knock” has a great channel with lots of fun projects and lessons. Ever heard of Skillshare? They have classes for just about anything you might want to learn to do or make. You can sign up for a free membership which gives you access to some of their content. Their higher tier membership, that’s paid, gives you access to all of it. They give you 2 weeks or a month for free, but if you find a skillshare instructor on Instagram or a blog, they have referral links that give you two months free! Try searching "#skillshare on Instagram.

We are all on social media right now and it is a scary place to be! Scrolling is a way to escape, typically, but right now, our feeds are filled with scary stories, videos, and statistics. Try following some happy accounts on Instagram to give you a little break. Upworthy is one of my favorites. They, along with Good News Movement and Good, post happy, feel good content. Crisis brings out the very best and very worst in humanity. These feeds can give you a dose of the good.

Also, did you realize how often we all eat?? Three times EVERY SINGLE DAY! And the worst part for me is figuring out what to make! It’s exhausting! Supercook is a search engine that helps you find recipes based on what you have on hand in your pantry.

If you are a Christian and looking for some helpful voices, I’d love to introduce you to two of my favorites: Jenn Hand and Beth Wayland. Both have been working hard to provide content on social media to help you process what’s happening and to be a voice of hope and comfort.

A final note: my desire is to provide resources and ideas for you. I get no kickback, financial gain, or benefit from linking to any of the above parties. I am also not affiliated with any of them. So click to your hearts’ content and feel free to share your own ideas in the comments below or back on Facebook or Instagram.

Lordy, lordy...

I still remember my mom’s 40th birthday. Black balloons. Signs that said “Lordy, lordy, look who’s 40.” I celebrated my 40th birthday last week and it’s a strange feeling to be an age I can remember my mom being.

My friend, Beth, asked me what I wanted to do to celebrate. As an Enneagram 9, I had no idea how to answer that question! So, I took some time to think about it.

I’ve always wanted to run a half marathon. It’s on my bucket list. I’ve trained and completed a couple of 5k’s, and that’s amazing, but I always believed I had it in me to do a half. Years ago I was considering it, but we were also trying to get pregnant, and then I was pregnant, and then I had a little one. Once Noah got a little bigger and I figured out better balance, we were trying to get pregnant again! I knew I didn’t want to start training and work hard just to have to cancel because I was pregnant. So, I decided, that’s how I want to mark my 40th year. And it turned out to be one of the top five decisions of my life.

If you read this post, you know that I have a complicated relationship with my body. So, going into training, I decided that I wanted to train in a way that was kind and healthy for my body, not beating it into submission, but partnering with it to do this well. I had a few goals: 1) Don’t throw up. 2) Don’t get injured. 3) Run the whole thing.

In this spirit, I decided to start slow in my training. I’d done the couch to 5k plan a couple of times and found it to be really good. So, that’s what I started with and I built from there. I did some research on training plans and lots of people have lots of theories around what’s best for you. By the time I finished the couch to 5k, I was about 10 weeks out from my race and decided to start trying to add about one mile a week until it was time to taper. I also found that what worked best for me was to do a four or five mile run once or twice a week and to do a short 1-2 mile run the day before a long run.

So far I have not thrown up or been injured. I’ve also learned to listen to my body. Because of that, I have let go of my third goal. Ultimately, my more important goal is to finish the race without injury. And if that means I need to walk for a minute and stretch to get blood flow back to my calves, that’s what I want to do. Because my body, she is my partner in this whole thing, and I want to give her what she needs.

Listen, I have never loved running. I used to dread the Presidential fitness challenge and rarely finished in the time limit. Fourteen year old Casey would be so proud of me! I ran nine miles the other day! I used to say that I got a runner’s low: I felt nauseous and depressed after a run.

What I’ve found is that this process has been tremendously helpful and healing for me. As someone who sometimes experiences anxiety, I’ve found running to be the most helpful thing I’ve ever done to support my body in an anxious season. When we’re anxious, our bodies release adrenaline. This is a gift to us. The role of adrenaline is to give our body the extra resources it needs in a crisis to save our lives. But what if there’s no bear? If someone rings my doorbell and my dog loses it, my body thinks that we are in the midst of a crisis. If I have a conversation with a friend and get in my head about it later: crisis. Adrenaline is not actually helpful in either of those situations (it just makes me cranky with the missionaries at my door). I’ve found that running helps my body use up those extra, unnecessary resources. So, my overall anxiety has been lower and I’ve been sleeping better.

I’ve also grown quite fond of my body. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true. She’s worked hard and she’s shown up for me. And she can do SO much more than I ever realized. She’s strong and healthy. She’s slow, but steady and has amazing endurance. She’s resilient and I’m really proud of her.

Guys. I haven’t lost one pound. Truly. The scale has the same number as it did months ago. My body has changed some because I’ve gained some muscle. Maybe my clothes fit a little differently, but it’s not been drastic. Even though the amount of running has been drastic! I did not sign up for this for weight loss. It wasn’t about that. And it is a little confusing and weird that I haven’t lost weight. But I’m not angry at my body for that. As a matter of fact, I feel more comfortable in my own skin than I can remember feeling. I feel great about my body right now. Not because I’ve reached a goal weight or I’m suddenly the right size, but because she’s on my team. She’s a hard worker and is GOOD. She is healthy. She is strong. I actually love her. She carries so much for me and I ask so much of her and she keeps showing up. She is beautiful. Every curve and line of her. And I am just so grateful for her.

Did you know that we live most of our lives pretty disconnected from our bodies? Andy Stanley said we are least aware of what is most present. There are few things as present in our lives as our bodies. When was the last time you noticed your left ear? Or your right big toe? Unless something’s wrong or we’re experiencing pain, we tend to live pretty unaware of our bodies unless we are doing something very physical with them. Running has helped me reconnect with my body in some helpful and important ways and I’ve learned to listen to her and trust her.

On this idea of disconnection, Hillary McBride challenges us to use pronouns when we talk about our body. Did you even realize that you most often describe your body as it? I bet you noticed I used she and her and it felt a little weird. Honestly, it feels a little weird for me, too. But I’m trying to think of my body as less of an object and more of a person. I’d love to challenge you to try this. I just went back and read what I’d written and noticed that early on, I actually called my body “it.” So, I’m still working on this. But you see that when I start to talk about how I relate to my body, the pronouns came.

I was afraid to talk about the half marathon early on in my training because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to do it. The race is next week and this thing is happening! I’m actually really excited about it! So, next Saturday, while you’re enjoying your coffee and pancakes, pray for me (and my sweet husband, he’s running with me)! Or better yet, come on up to Raccoon Mountain and cheer us on!

The Key to Calm

As promised, today I’m going to introduce you to your vagus nerve. And I’m going to do this by walking you through a quick exercise.

First, let me just remind you of the anxiety scale found here. In that post I talked about how anxiety builds on itself and described how it feels on a scale of 1-10. If your anxiety level is higher than a 5-6, you may not notice much benefit from doing an exercise like this. At that point, I’d recommend going for a good long run and getting out some of that excess energy. Then come back here and try this out.

First, I want you to take a second and check in with your body. If you’ve never done this before, it’s a good practice to have. Notice what sensations you feel. Notice if there’s any tightness or tension. Now, find your breath. I know that sounds weird, but we tend to walk around in the world breathing all the time and never really being aware of it. When you move attention to your breath, you automatically deepen it a little bit. Now, I’d like for you to deepen it a little more.

Take a second here and close your eyes and really focus on your breathing. Focus on letting your belly rise first, then your chest and shoulders. Focus on releasing the breath as if you’d just blown up a balloon and let go of it. Let it flow out of your body unforced and uncontrolled. Just let it go.

There. Did you notice that feeling? Take a few more of those breaths. Stop here for a second and just breath. I’ll wait.

Deep breath in, and, as you breath out, let you body sink a little deeper into whatever chair or couch you might be sitting on. You might find that you were, in fact, feeling some tension before, but you didn’t notice it until it started to seep out with your breath.

Did you know that most of us breath differently when we are awake than we do when we are asleep? When we’re awake we breath in, pause, breath out. When we’re sleeping, we tend to breath in, breath out, pause. So, when we’re awake, we tend to be holding our breath a little bit all day long. That may have been the sensation you noticed when you breathed out that first time. You stopped holding your breath.

The vagus nerve is located behind your lungs and diaphragm. It’s part of your parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the fight/flight response. It has a number of jobs, but the one we’re looking at today is that, when stimulated, it sends a signal to your brain that tells your body it’s time to calm down. So, when you take good deep breaths like this, your lungs and diaphragm massage the vagus nerve and activate it.

This can be so empowering! If you can begin to practice this deep breathing and start using it in tense or stressful situations, it can help you to regulate your body. It can help keep you more calm so that you can exercise good decision making and respond, rather than react, to your situation.

This is a great tool to keep in mind when you’re asking your boss for a raise, standing up to address a group of people, taking off on a flight, etc.

What about you? When do you think you could use a little extra vagus nerve activation?