Do you even remember that 2020 started with a US drone killing an Iranian general followed by some scary days of not knowing what type of fallout might come from that? Soon after, the impeachment hearing began. At the end of January, Kobe Bryant was killed in a helicopter accident. And all this time Australia was burning.
Coronavirus talk began in late January and early February but it wasn’t until March that things really hit home here. That’s when the safer at home edict was issued in Tennessee and it felt like the world shut down around us. Things have not been the same since. We started re-opening and there has been a lot of controversy around that. Masks have been mandated in parts of the country and there is more controversy around that. Shortly have quarantine began, my hometown faced a natural disaster. In the midst of all this came the killings of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor and George Floyd followed by protests, demonstrations and civil unrest. And weren’t there murder hornets? Can we get an update on the murder hornets??
Listen: you’re anxious. I’m not diagnosing you, but it’s true. You are. Because these broad scale events are impacting all of us! But then you add on your specific challenges and circumstances and things really spike. Maybe you’re trying to figure out what you’ll do with your kids if schools don’t open in the fall. Maybe your work hours have been cut or maybe they’ve increased. Maybe you’re trying to keep your business afloat. Maybe you miss going to Target! Everyone’s anxiety level is riding higher than usual.
Why am I telling you this? The less aware we are of our anxiety, the more likely that we are coping in ways that are problematic. Is your fuse short and you find yourself yelling at your family more? Are you drinking more than you used to? Are you over or under eating and dealing with the health issues/shame that come as a result? Are you being domineering and trying to control all the people in your life? Are you struggling to find motivation or energy to do much of anything at all? All of these are signs of anxiety.
Look, I’m not trying to shame you. As a matter of fact, I’d point you toward the opposite. I think what you need is a good dose of self-compassion. Because your anxiety tells me that you feel overwhelmed and unsafe in the world. How would you respond if a friend or your child came to you and told you they were feeling overwhelmed and unsafe? On a good, healthy day, you’d respond with compassion. Can you offer that to yourself?
To talk about the practicalities of this, I’m going to tell you about my favorite part of a yoga class. Nearly every class I’ve ever taken has had a point in which the instructor says something along these lines: “Ok, I want you to take a minute and check in with your body. What do you need? Do you need another flow? Maybe a child’s pose? Maybe you need to play around with some inversion practice? Whatever it is, I want you to take a few minutes and offer that to yourself.”
Friends, there is so much compassion and self-care in that! What do I need? Now, I’m going to offer that to myself. The reality is that sometimes we need a big ass kale salad and sometimes a chocolate milkshake (endorphins!). Sometimes we need a run and others we need a nap. Some days we need a punching and some days a hug.
I bet you’re being hard on yourself these days. I know I am. I feel guilty because my son is in front of a screen more than I prefer. And that can sometimes trickle down to my people. I’m shorter with him than I would normally be. And then I’m beating myself up about that. You can see how this can spiral. So, what if, instead of being hard on myself, I offered compassion instead. What do I need? Can I offer that to myself today/this week? That might start to trickle down, too.
So, can we try this? When we notice those signs that tell us that we’re anxious, overwhelmed, feel unsafe, can we acknowledge what’s really happening and ask ourselves what we might need to feel a little better? You’ll find that acknowledging what is underneath it all provides some relief all on it’s own. But then take the extra step and figure out what you need and how you might offer that to yourself. Give it a try and let me know how it goes!
